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Syidah.
Been living for 20years.
Love the guitars.
Passion for music.
Full-time nurse.
Orange is the new black if u ask me.
Deeply in love with Zyrul Fernandez Shahryszal.
=)
email: chaos_syidah@hotmail.com
friendster: http://profiles.friendster.com/chaosya
myspace:http://myspace.com/chaosya

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

2:40:00 AM

I'm STUCK!

i'm juz freaking stuck.
please someone help.

I need a hug.
The stress is getting to my head.
Thank you.

ARGHH fuck laa.
lets talk bout other stuff..
any went to a gig at Gashaus.
first time there.
hmm quite cool uh the place..
compared to IJ so small.
haha..

but anw Dec is packed with events.
almost everywk there's at least one gig.
till i'm confused with which to go.
HAHA.

oh yeah..
latest news.
my darling Belo girl Syikin,
haf found her other half.
i mean she found herself a bf..
good for u gerl..
Iqah, kau jgn plak ade matair..
nanti aku sorng seh..

but nvm uh..
i still wanna stay single at least a year.
and its 4 more mths till one year
HAHA!

so i'm unavailable till next year April.
and maybe more uh.

if Kamal can be single for 5yrs,
maybe i can too.
heheheheh..
if he can, why cant i?
hmm..
maybe becuz he lacks of the need for a companion.
maybe he is totally abnormal.

cuz seriously its not like nobody likes him or even love him.
its juz that he doesnt want to be with anyone.
and he doesnt fight for the girl he likes.
he dont even feel jealous!
freaking abnormal..
but i'm not abnormal sia..
shit laa..

ok seriously now i dunno wat i was talking about before this sia..
oh ok..
bout the single thingy.

dunno uh.
anw i already used to like 2 guys.
and both said juz be friends.
if u read my older posts u'll see wat happen laa.

so now i'm really scared of liking anyone else.
thou i do like the person.
i'll keep quiet.
oh man this is so not me.
i'll juz tell the person if i like him.
but now the each rejection is hurting me deeper.

y ah?

am i getting to old?
and sentimental?

nabeiiiiii..

anw thanx Hakim for listening.
great advice.
but then.
i'm scared of telling uh.
Hakimekkk..
HAHA!

omg.
and i realise i'm becoming more of a coward sia!
FUCK LAA..
ishhhhhh...

arghh watever uh.
i tink i'm freaking stressed cuz i'm talking nonsense.
HAHA!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

1:56:00 AM

HAHAHAHA!

Daddy...daddy coool..

Thats him.

Seriously i was freaking bored so i did that.

Isnt that prefect thou.

But who cares.

Hahah!

Anw today is freaking tiring..

I'm like worned out sia.

Cuz of the dance prac.

We must be precise.

Be sharp.

On time.

And most importantly..

SEXY!

and i dunno how the hell i managed to do it.

OMG LAAA!

Mentally and physically tired now.

And i juz realised tmw first tutorial.

Which is at 9am btw..

We hafta present our answers sia!

And erm i kindda doing it last minute.

HAHA..

Hopefully nothing go wrong tmw.

cuz it supposed to be a little presentation.

Aint those major ones.

so yeah..

juz answer i hope.

and i hope my way of speaking is professional enuf.

so ppl dun see any wrong with my answer.

wakaka!

DAMN!

i need to slp!

NOW!

TIREDDDDD LAAA!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

7:29:00 PM

The things we do when we are bored or sleepy.
Actually,
the things I do when i'm bored and sleepy.

Click on it..

So ok..i was sleepy laa seriously..HAHA!
Thanx to my Animals, life at school isnt tat boring or frustrating.
I taught them some boxing lesson:

Ok so now they noe.
Then once we noe this, we can seriously become Superman.

Or maybe Superwoman.HAHA!

This week is like freaking tiring.
Dance pracs and stuff.
Thou i nvr go jamming this week.
Luckily, cuz im out of money.
Hahaha..

And gezz wat.
i didnt go out AT ALL during the weekends!
wakaka!
cuz why?
cuz i'm sick.
Like asthmatic sick.
nose block, cough like mad and i cant breathe properly.
so i sat at home all the way..
wat a good girl i am.HAHA!

Oh yah..Hakim,
dun act cute..
haha..ok watever..
hehehehe..

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

5:32:00 PM

Today is Wednesday.
3rd day of school.
And already my freaking class haf started disagreeing.
Becuz of the sub-groups.

Stupid people like nazrul always think he's right.
I mean like some of us say,
(and its not the EVIL 4 of us, mind u)
Whats the use of a leader
AND an assistant leader
if u kip bugging into the decision matters?
seriously dude.
stop thinking that u are the leader.
cuz if we remember, u said u dun wanna be leader.
meaning now u are in the same position as the rest of us.
Therefore if u can make decisions,
we can too.

i didnt realise how many ppl are so dyingly wanna shout at u sia.
Till i shouted at u.
Actually i didnt tot i shouted.
Thou i noe there are many signs tat showed tat i was angry.
eg: my ears turn hot and red. wakaka!

And they said my face turned red and the veins in my neck were sort of popping out.
HAHA!
omg..
syidah.pls dun transform in public.
thats wat pat and candy told me.

Anw back to this grouping thing.
seriously.
why cant u ppl give us a break?
we haf to deal with working with ppl we dont prefer during attachments.
can we juz be able to be our close friends at school?
stupid ass.

and i soooo LOVE the hypocrites in my class.
yes.
i sooo LOVE them.
feel like hugging them.
oh man i feeel the love..
NOT.

sometimes i think.
the people who we at first dun like are actually ok.
to me laa..
cuz actually they dun really do anything to us.
in fact.
those who always 'try' to help the class with all this 'conflicts' are the ones we should go against.
cuz i can see during the class meeting juz nw,
how most of us cannot agree wif those in the 'making decisions' ones.
hah!
ok see ehs.
u ppl wanna meet at 1.30
bt when i asked everyone,
they say why not meet after lect time since that time everyone is there.
AND.
those ppl said, "u guys lack of 2 more people."
and we haf to wait for the 2 to come and THEN those ppl wanna come and meet.
STUPID RIGHT!

18 of us were there.
only TWO wasnt.
and they made that an excuse.
omg.
this totally shows how THEY want things THEIR way.

argh.
whatever.

i'm tired.
haha.
anger really make use of alot of energy.

btw to someone im starting to lose my tolerance with.
pls bitch.
stop being a hypocrite.
pls stop.
stop trying to be close with ppl who 'should' make the decisions.
stop acting nice in front of us,
and saying 'no i haf no comment'
when later u will talk shit bout us.
damn bitch.
if i haf no more patience,
im so gonna say 'i hate u, u hypocrite bitch'

ok....cool syidah.
phew.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

4:36:00 AM

I've been a girl for the past 18 years.
and at many points of times i hate being a girl.
like those time when my mom will scold me,
whn i reach home late,
she'll say, "ur a girl"

so im like wtf.
being a girl u cant go home late.

then when i wear like those punk rock style,
she'll say, "y u wearing such things? Be a proper girl will u"

okay or whn i talk like some kind.
like of course whn ur angry u'll talk rubbish.
then she'll say, "ur a girl"

i'll be really pissed off.
cuz i feel like its fucking sexist laa.

and now another part of being a girl which i hate.
i've juz finished talking to a friend of mine.
cuz im not really feeling well.
so he told me some stuffs.
like advised me things.
and i keep saying i hate being a girl.
so he told me this really good advise to me.

"dude..
it seems like the word GIRL is controlling u sia...
da terbalek sia...
u noe all this happened..

i mean..
its true uh..
like girl do this and dat..
so if u dont wanna do,
den be different uh..
dont do..
get it?"

okay if u dun understand thats ur problem.
cuz i understand it fully.
thanx dude. =]

okay finally here's a random list of mine.

10 things i HATE being a girl:

Girls are too emotional.
Girls tell everyone their feelings.
Girls talk too much.
Girls cant be stand being single.
Girls love attention.
Girls are too competitive with each other.
Girls do stupid things in the name of love.
Girls tend to be thinking too much.
Girls cannot take rejection.
Girls are weak by nature.

I noe some of u girls are not wat i've said.

Which is good.

Thats exactly what i wanna do. Juz like my friend advised.

Be different.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

2:40:00 AM

i think i'm starting to like somebody.

jeng jeng jeng...

HAHAHA!

i dunno why i like him thou.
its a big wonder.
i mean he's really nice.
damn tall.
haha.
ok not so laa..
juz tat my eye level is at his mouth i think.
HAHA!
i dunno laa but he's tall laa..

okay.
he's height is the same as my all time favourite admirer.
haha.
my ex laa.
the one i've always been talking about.
the one tat say lets juz be friends.
the one i want to forget about.
yeah him.
haha.

so now this other guy.
something attracts me to him.

but i kip thinking bad stuff.
like if we would become exes in the future.
(imagine if we would ever stead laa okay)
then confirm would be awkward.
further more we wont be like friends now.
geddit?
then i see like his ex-gfs are all really PRETTY!
like the most recent i think.
she's damn pretty.
like wow pretty.
im not a lesbo but i still see some girls are pretty.
no wonder guys like them.
so yeah.
bout this.
i haf this bad thought tat he like girls who haf the looks.
i dont haf the looks laa.
so yeah.
thn if we would be together,
i've got this feeling one day he'll say,
"u..i'm sorry..i think i still love my ex.."
cuz seriously i'm not a good gf laa.
haha.
i suck in relationships and stuff.

okay i juz like this guy laa.
dun think that i wanna rush into anything wif him laa.

but not as if he like me.
sooo..
i dunno why the HELL am i thinking all these shit.
wakaka!

but everytime we hanged out at the void deck.
i sort of like to look at him.
haha.

arghh!!
(tearing my hair off)

shit shit shit.

i'm confused!
stupid ex of mine.
haha.
i dunno y i say that uh.
but whenever im stressed,
thinking of him make me even more stressed.
cuz i noe i can never get him.
even thou i really want to.

and now i'm starting to like someone.

i dunno if i cant forget him.
like TOTALLY GONE!

syidah is going crazy.

take note:
if i start spouting nonsense.
i might actually trying to ignore the certain feeling in me.

for example.
juz now.
i actually keep thinking that i like tat guy.
and he's like in front of me.
and i dun want to think tat way,
cuz then my heart will beat very fast.
makes me tired.
and my brain will start to think of everyting bout me and him.
which i noe wont happen.
and i juz dun wanna think that i like him,
i started to take pics of my feet.
(which really looked like alien.haha!)
then i started singing nonsense.
and i talk rubbish.
laughing at everything.

juz to stop thinking that i like him.

and he thinks i'm crazy.

wakaka!