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Syidah.
Been living for 20years.
Love the guitars.
Passion for music.
Full-time nurse.
Orange is the new black if u ask me.
Deeply in love with Zyrul Fernandez Shahryszal.
=)
email: chaos_syidah@hotmail.com
friendster: http://profiles.friendster.com/chaosya
myspace:http://myspace.com/chaosya
Monday, January 29, 2007
10:02:00 PM
I seriously have enough of this.
Suddenly so many things pop in my head. Its like the things which i had kept quietly at the back of my mind. Those things which i keep saying "Nah..juz dont bother.." Its now coming out and killing me.
Why are girls natural bitches?
Are we borned with such hormones? "Biatchenogenesis"
Okay that i made up.
But seriously. Why cant we settle things face to face. Like talk it out. Rather than saying behind each other's back. Or maybe blogging it. Or tagging hurting words at tagboards. Or juz do the "i-noe-ur-there-but-i-rather-ignore-u" sort of thing?
And if we were to settle face to face. Its either one of us rather shut up. And let the other party seem to be the 'noisy' one. or the 'guilty' one. Or sometimes it might end up with "fuck u bitch!" and walk away WITHOUT things settled. And thus, after the session, we will hate each other more. Cuz none wanna give in. And keep accusing the other at fault.
If thats the case, I would rather juz punch their pretty faces. And i will most definitely feel better. But i'm not strong. I have weaknesses too. I noe i'm not as brave as i may look.
I seriously have the urge to talk to these ppl. Like asking them straight "What's ur problem dude?" Like okay let me list out the ppl whom i wanna talk. I just say it here in my blog ok. Cuz if i were to approach you ppl, I dun think u girls would like it. So i'm stating my say here.
Firstly, To the ex of my good friend. I did not played behind ur back. Easier said, I did not steal him from you. We were really close members even before u came along. And I have never intended for him to break up with u. I've been listening to both of u. And i did told him to try and work it out. But it seems that he didnt take in my words And decided to let u go. I was sad for u too and he told me he would nvr patch up with any of his ex. (Except for one thou) After awhile it was then he came to me and said he liked me. But u guys just broke up. And i noe i'm so gonna be in a spot. Like sial uh we were already close. I even tried not to get closer. But what the hell should i do sia? He was like sticking to me like freaking glue. I thought maybe when things have gone over thn mayb i could consider. Then too bad things got worse b4 it was totally over. And i still dont want to be in a serious relationship with him. Cuz i got a feeling u still feel that i stole him from u. So that's all i gotta say. Believe it or juz hate me.
Secondly, To my dear classmates. What did we do to you till u hate us so bad? Like okay, mayb i had a mistake with one of u. Rumours were around bout u being hypocrite. Plus how the others dont allow us to be in a sub-grp, and how most of u rather not grp wif us, Made us so freaking mad and took the rumours of u as the truth. I dun wanna say things bout u anymore, cuz it looks like ur becoming very religious. But now, seriously, What the hell did we do to ur good friend? We never talked bout her. We never thought that she talked about us. And suddenly she seems like she hate us? Heard that she called us lowdowns or something in her blog. which she changed as i checked out myself. And watsup with the name-calling? Skunk. Oink. Primate. Dear2 its soooo secondary school! And all this while you talk so fluently with us. Joked and laugh. Omg ur the true hypocrite. If its not for the sub-group, I so wanna ask you to ur face "What's up dude?" The thing that i cant help it is that, why u blogged such things bout us when we didnt 'steal' ur condoms and we didnt talked bad bout u! And even if we did, we were planning to give it back. I mean disturbing Naz is fun u noe.. When i got to noe bout the blog, all i did was laugh. But now i think i laugh too much.
Candy your right. We cant trust anyone in our class. Anyone. Cuz you might not noe. The next moment they hate you.
Cuz our class lack humour and fun. They are lame in their own way. Our lame jokes and theirs totally dont click. "Tak gum" as said by Pat.Haha.. And they totally lack patience. Everything must be done quick. Punctuality is the key!
And now she had changed her blog url. Which means we wont noe if she's bitching bout us. Again perhaps. But i dont care anymore. I rather not noe. So i'll just keep talking to you but i wont be a hypocrite too. until you tell me whats the problem, then i'll talk. Cuz i noe you ppl wont want to settle things.
Lastly, This one i seriously do not noe the reason why. You never ever said hello to me. Not even when there wasnt any crisis. I mean your wearing specs. And obviously u see me. When there wasnt any problem, you dont say hi. Which i dun understand why. But i still waved at you if i see you. Now, since u 'didnt see' me, I 'didnt see' you too.
FUCK all this man.
Its worse than in secondary school. You noe u hate each other. And u even noe why u hate each other. It makes hell more lots of sense to avoid each other. And if there were misunderstandings, things will be settled.
Now its all in the game of ignore and putting up a nice fake smile.
END
Sunday, January 28, 2007
4:37:00 PM
Came home at 5.30am last night. Or should i say morning. Hehe.
Went riding with Zy and his friends. Khai, Singh, Sam, Din, Fauzi, Faz, Hanafi Then including the pillions. Azhar, Mas, Sit, Shida, Amin
The plan cocked up at first. We actually planned to go town first. Cuz Azhar is there alone. But they thought maybe Azhar was wif a girl. But apparently he wasn't. Thats when we finally met him 1130pm at Esplanade. We decided to go East Coast after that.
But while at the expressway, They juz continue till Changi. And finally we went to Changi Village.
Singh keep wanting to go see Bapok. HAHA! Mcm sial. But after chilling at the food court, we decided to go OCH. When we reached OCH, we decided to go in with our bikes. But we reached a dead end. Shida didnt want to continue going in. Cuz it seems that she can easily see things. U noe as in ghosts and stuff. So Faz and her waited outside.
The rest of us went in. It was freaking dark sia. Cant even see a single thing. Lucky i had my hp. Which has a flash on thingy. For once i feel that my hp is special. HAHA! Okay we went in and didnt noe whr to go. We decided to go up the stairs. We sort of like walk i circles. We go up here and went down there. And turned here and came back there. HAHA!
Finally we decided to go somewhere else. Cuz there wasnt anything.
We really didnt noe where to go. So we went back Changi Village. And omg.. We saw BAPOKS! wakaka! One of them really look like a ghost. I think she lives at OCH. HAHA! While we were waiting for a decision, Two of them walked pass Hanafi and Amin, And they hold up their freaking breast sia! DISGUSTING! Then we finally decided to go Kent Ridge Park. Khai shouted 'Bapok!' and we sped off. wakaka!
On the way to Kent Ridge Park. Which was damn far, It rained half way through. Somewhr in AYE. So we stopped under a bridge for the rain to stop.
One by one all of us lay on the ground. And catch some sleep. Imagine one row of us by the road side, LYING DOWN. Wakaka!
It was damn freaking cold sia. Like freezinggg.. I cuddled with Zy. Thou he's so skinny but there was some effect. Haha!
Finally it as already 4.30am We decided not to continue to Kent Ridge. So we went home via Commonwealth. We stopped by Zy's house first. He took another sweater and we went to Yishun.
It was fun riding. But tiring thou. Hehs.
My syg still kental on his bike. Haha! Still not used to some things. But he had improved quite a lot. Juz that his motor is running in. So he cant ride more than 100km/h. Hehe.. Thats good cuz we wont be speeding. =P Anw love him so much laa..
Friday, January 26, 2007
1:20:00 AM
Look at that.. My FIRST perfume. I mean the first and only perfume bought myself.. Wakaka! Its Paul Smith Floral. Its only 30ml but..HAHA! So nice and i juz felt like buying perfume. Kept using my mom's.. She's so pissed off.
Not only had i bought myself a perfume, I bought for Zy perfume too. Hehehe.. So that makes it his FIRST own perfume too! Thou its a gift from me. But still its his own. Its Adidas Game Spirit. And its100ml! Its more than mine sia! Okay i noe i suck at perfume brands and stuff but both of them are damn nice laa.. We tried to smell both scent together and THEY smell nice together! Which means WE will smell nice together.. Which also means we fit we with each other.. wakaka! Okay that i juz made it up.. HAHA!
Anw nothing much today but juz went out with my Animals. We went town together. As in ALL 4 of us.. Haha.. When was the last time we ALL went together? Till as far as town.haha! I can't remember. But we played pool and arcade. Went to Heeren's. And at 6.30pm Elyn went to meet her bf. Candy went to the dentist. Me and Pat hanged around town. Ate Double choc chip with macadamia Famous Amos cookies. Heheh..
Weeeeeeeeeee! I will smell nice tmw! Thats for sure.. =D
Sunday, January 14, 2007
3:47:00 PM
Am i still hanging on? But why must i? So why can't i let go? There is no more miracle that could happen. In the first place, there wasn't any miracle.. It was all plain luck.
Nothing could happen now.
So why am i not moving on? I shuld learn to be happy with what i haf now. But it's so difficult.
Easier said, I shuld be happy wif Zy. It has been close to 2mths i think. Or izit 3mths since we were very close. Like people keep mistaking us as a couple. Which we are not. Am i ready for him?
I shuld be ready. With the fact that my love is gone. And its like magic that Zy is around. Like i lost someone.. And TADA! There's Zyrul Shahryszal..
Its hard for me to let go of the past. But if he can easily let go.. Why cant i?
Years of loving him. Openly andsecretly. Is all gone now. I cant afford to hold on anymore.. Heart aches when i see him and her. But i hafta learn to get used to it. For now.. It's all bout Zy..
=']
Sunday, January 07, 2007
2:27:00 AM
Today is Matrep n Minah wannabe day. HAHA! The other day was Wankers wannabe day..
What will we be next? Hahaha.. He told me he love to dress up when going out wif me. Dunno why laa. Giler nye budak..
But we r still punkrockers orite. =]Anw today we went out. With no plans of whr to go. Our normal routine laa. Haha.. But today there's a slight diff. Usually we will go and eat together. But we didnt today.. Hahaha! Amazing sak.. Cuz we both ate at home already..
So we tot of watching movie. Actually i didnt want laa.. Waste his money only.
I rather go eat alot. HAHA!
But he insisted. So we went to Lido. Saw his ex wif her new bf. Thats fast. Fast andfurioussss! Hahaha..giler..
Okay when we reached Lido, I said maybe we go Cineleisure. So we went.. But before that he bought me this ice cream. DAMN NICE! Its made of white chocs sia.. There wasnt Cookies and Cream.. If not, there'll be no 2nd thoughts sia.. Hahaha...
Then we walked to Cine. But.. The timeslots were sucky.. So we decided to go Marina Sq GV. Which.. Haf even suckier timeslots.. wakaka!
In the end.. we watched movie giler.. mcm to the MAX punye arh siak.. wakaka!
But it's ok. It isnt important to me. Then he bought Famous Amos cookies. The BLACK one..HAHA! Its nice laa. but the colour is such a turn off.. wakaka!
Then we proceeded to Esplanade. And Azie saw us holding hands.. HAHA! Mati2 fikir kiter matair. (Die2 think that we are a couple..HAHA!) But we are NOT laa..Aiyohhhhh..
We might look like we are. But we are not. We are what we call "Members Lurp" Hahaha! I'm not gonna rush into a serious relationship yet. Cuz now its problems free. =] And i like it that way. Its like totally honeymoon mood u noeee..
Yes im scared of wat certain ppl will think. But im sure i will overcome that fear. Cuz if i am totally sure if i love him, I wont care a single shitbout wat others think..
Anw i'm in a good spot right now. As in wif him.. Cuz i'm lucky enuf that he "loves" me.. Thats totally quoted by him ok.. Dun think that i'm perasan jubor..
I noe i may be thick-skinned at times. But there are times that i'm paiseh orite..
Anw i've been thinking alot bout me and him. Actually.. Like seriously.. I dunno laa.. I'm stuck wif my thoughts of being single for a year. Hahs.. But its like i'm receiving an opportunity now. What if i'm too late.. Like i delay too long. And he'll go away.. And that will be the time that i love him too.. Oh man. That is my biggest fear for now.. Those thoughts are such nighmares.. And i'm scared if i'm not ready for now, and i go for him..
ARGHH! i dunno.. But hopefully.. Time will tell.. At the right time that is..
Last but not least.. Melly and me coincidently bought similar tops. Only different colour.. HAHA! But wasted.. We almost wear totally the same type sia. If not for my short pants. If i knew, i would not be lazy to iron my black pants. Hahaha. WASTEDDD..
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
12:57:00 PM
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy 2007 Everybody..
Anw, two days after the new year. Nothing much special. Hahs.. Cuz its still the holidays. Damn tmw is already school. I'm dreading every minute of it. Cuz i haf a bad feeling. Dammit..
Ok forget bout school. This holidays was the best if i can say. Thou some unfortunate events happened. But overall i think it was great.
Cuz i overnight alot. HAHA! Came home damn late alot too. hehs. Went out wif my dear punkrockid alot lot too.. Seriously this holidays was great. Too bad its only for 2 weeks. Stupid poly. Stupid nursing course. Never gave us long holidays.
So for this new year. I've been thinking alot bout my resolution. Still i haf no idea. Hmmm.. Mayb.. To go to school and never skip lessons, unneccesarily.. =D Is that good enuf? Thats good if im still schooling thou. Haizz..
Umm..can we make 2 resolutions? Hahaha.. Cuz my 2nd resolution is, To get a bike license AND a bike by mid year. =P That is if i haf already enrolled! Wakaka!
Okay laa.. New year.. Wanna be a new me. Will be going thru lots of shits this year. and also good stuff. But whatever its is.. Happy 2007 again....
Look at that..
Anw today we went out. 
But wasted..