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Syidah.
Been living for 20years.
Love the guitars.
Passion for music.
Full-time nurse.
Orange is the new black if u ask me.
Deeply in love with Zyrul Fernandez Shahryszal.
=)
email: chaos_syidah@hotmail.com
friendster: http://profiles.friendster.com/chaosya
myspace:http://myspace.com/chaosya
Monday, February 05, 2007
6:52:00 PM
Candy asked me this question the other day. "Do you love him?"
And she gave a good answer to that. "I think you really do, don't you? I know you do."
She saw me crying for the first time. And yeah omg. I cried for the first time in school. After two years i finally cried in public in school. Isnt tat soooo embarrassing! Omg.. It's been a long while since i cried the way i did that day. Its like a faulty pipe. Like u cant do anything but just let it shoot all over. In this case flow all the way. I decided to quickly go out the lecture theatre before anymore see me. Farah and Ira already see me. And they decided to ask me out and smoke. Aishah and Shira came along as well.
My tears kept rolling down even how hard i tried to control. I kept laughing thou i'm crying. Cuz i'm not the kind of person who cries. And there i was crying like a baby.
Throughout the day the tears came on and off. Luckily it didnt during my presentation. During night class, my friend msged me and told me to wait for him after school. I felt relieved. But really nervous. Like damn nervous laa. When we met, i kept saying sorry. And he hugged me. I'm lucky i didnt cry again then. I will be freaking paisey laa.
But after that incident. I cant help thinking.
I've never cried since Kamal decided we juz be friends. And the last time i had a misunderstanding and cried was with Wandee. And now i'm crying juz cuz i made him angry. which i had never done. And i felt freaking guilty and i felt like i'm gonna lose him. But it was seriously a small matter. But the feeling of losing him is so unbearable suddenly.
And Candy asked me why did i cry.
I think that was it then. I think i cant bear to lose him.
Does this mean i love him? Am i ready to be in a serious relationship with him?
Omg. I really dont know. This is all so confusing.
